Hello. I am secret agent Kia Mud. I am a hippo. My cover name is Mudge. I currently reside in a cage. The cage in which I am so cruelly forced to live in is rather sturdy. My laser gun cannot melt the lock. I am now recording my story of how I came to be here on my electronic recorded journal. If you are listening to this, you will spontaneously combust in a matter of minutes. My current mission is so top secret I can not reveal it even you, my dear ERJ. My cover is a faithful hippo pet to one named Hiemleck. I am Mudge to him. I eat as normal hippos do. I sleep in the bed Hiemleck has given me, and I give him the attention needed. When he is busy, I do my work. I report daily to my headquarters via a source untold.
Hiemleck has been acting quite weird lately. His adornment of boisterous clothes and hairdos has made me wonder. I have reported all this to the head of the Bureau of Unobvious Surveillance who had advised me to watch him carefully. I must make sure he is not part of Berker's evil plan. That's what I'm here to stop. This past afternoon as Hiemleck went out on an odd unplanned walk, I conducted a thorough search of his living room, an action that proved to be most...revealing. You see, I found the Berker's master plan--under the floor boards! Upon finding it, I ate it immediately, nom nom. I am very confused concerning Hiemleck. I really didn't think he was involved in this whole mess. But I am currently contemplating the likelihood of the theory that the plans were placed in Heimleck's house without him knowing. I think he could very well have been set up.
Anyway, back to eating the plans. Even as a hippo, they were very hard for me to digest. Talk about papery dryness. Gack! After devouring the master plans I preceded to clean up the mess. I did not want Hiemleck to suspect anything. And then the doorbell rang. I being the gorgeous, faithful watch-hippo, did not answer it. The door handle jiggled. I grunted. The door swung open. I feigned an attempt to faint but was stopped becau...Oh great. Someone is here. Gotta go. Over and out from Agent Kia Mud.
Credit: Ellen K. Smith
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